Monthly Archives

February 2011

Uncategorized

Ebb and Flow

I think I’ve figured things out…for now anyway 🙂 Through excellent advice from amazing friends like Dee Dee, and Aunt Jennifer, along with my girls, my man, and my family, I’ve been able to put things in perspective. Sometimes, I can get too introspective, and over analytical. I can tend to focus on the big picture and then try to micromanage my life. My current goal is to get over that. With this diagnosis, my life and emotions ebb and flow like the tides. Sometimes I’m up, sometimes I’m down, sometimes I’m self absorbed and the rest of the time I’m half way normal. I hate the self absorbed part, and yet at the same time I end up learning more about my cancer and the best way to handle the medical side, the healing side. I’m done with the poor me side for awhile. I say, “awhile” because it always comes back when I worry and second guess. I’m sorry for being a yo-yo. I wish I could control it, I really honestly do. Thank you for all of the comments, the emails, and personal conversations. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “Hey, whatever is swirling around in your head I’m sorry that you’re going through this.” Thanks guys 🙂 Thank you for helping picking me back up!

Continue reading
Uncategorized

Life Elongating Choices

Alright. As you may notice from my lack of posts, I’m working out some things. Like my perspective about this tumor. I’ve spent the past several days back on the restricted Ketogenic diet which study after study have proven to slow the growth of astrocytomas. I’ve basically been hiding away, working my usual schedule then heading home with my cell phone off and limited internet. Usually I’m fine, but recently I’m feeling pretty vulnerable. I’m working on it though. I need to put this diagnosis in its place, but I can’t seem to shelve it. It just seems to hover around in my mind bouncing between what I should do, what I need to do, what I haven’t done to conquer this. I guess I’m a little bit of a worrier. I used to call myself a problem solver, but lately I’m just a worrier. I don’t feel like I’m solving anything. I think, maybe in time, I’ll learn enough to feel like I’m doing things the right way. That I’m making the best choices.  I guess I feel the pull of this tumor. According to research, I don’t have unlimited time to make good choices. It’s all on me. It’s right now. That’s a lot of pressure.

Continue reading
Uncategorized

Glucose On The Brain

Probably due to my world gallivanting ways, I came down with a bit of a brain bug. I ate horribly and I’m paying the price. There’s empirical data showing the effects of glucose on the brain. It’s related to all kinds of negative neurological conditions. I now feel pretty lethargic and honestly, down right depressed. Maybe real life is setting in. Sometimes I don’t feel like being careful about what I eat. Sometimes I don’t want to say no to myself. Sometimes I don’t want to work out. At times, I wonder if my choice to eat a chocolate is going to have a larger impact on my future than it’s worth. The other day I knew that the cookie in my hand was feeding the brain tumor, but I WANTED it. I love cookies. I hate the reason for my restriction. I hate having to be proactive. I hate having all of these headaches that make me feel like I’m crazy. Sometimes, like today, I don’t want to be positive. I want to turn off the lights, curl up in bed with my comforter up to my chin and listen to my book on tape. I have a constant reminder, a hot spot in my brain that keeps yelling at me but I don’t speak its language. I can’t seem to calm it down. I can’t manage to appease it. Sometimes I feel defeated. Even when I want to give up, which I obviously want to do, I have to try and do something, anything, to keep propelling forward. The only thing I have the heart to do right now is research. Here’s an article that I just found. It reminds me why, even though I don’t feel like restricting my diet and making hard unsatisfying food choices, I…

Continue reading
Uncategorized

Paris

As most of you know, Danny and I got engaged this past fall. We’d been planning a wedding for August 13th. We were adamant that we would pay for this wedding ourselves, and that there would be no gifts, and no stress for others. The joke was on us, though, it’s impossible to do a wedding without stress. It was impossible to create a wedding that could be inclusive and affordable. The biggest wish was to be able to invite absolutely everyone we care about. The problem is that we’ve been engulfed by hundreds of people, friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers. Over this past 10 months we’ve been supported and lifted up, and we owe it to everyone in our lives. It’s impossible to even list everyone. It’s impossible to do a wedding without forgetting someone. It’s impossible to mail out enough invites. It’s impossible to organize everything. So….a day or two before we left Abu Dhabi, we came up with the plan to do our vows in Paris, in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. It was Danny’s idea, really. I’ve got an extremely romantic man on my hands. Jess and Dre sealed the deal when they mentioned they had an extra men’s wedding band that we could borrow.  The day of our flight we picked up some beautiful, thick paper. I wrote my vows on half of the page and covered it up. Danny finished his next. We tucked them away in a notebook, deep inside Danny’s backpack. When we arrived in Paris we dropped off our luggage at the hotel, he strapped on the backpack, and we went walking through the city.  Somewhere between the Notre Dame Cathedral and the Eiffel Tower, we ran into a little market where we found a dirt cheap bottle of champagne….

Continue reading
Uncategorized

Abu Dhabi Pictures

Here are some of the photos from our trip. Just the photos below took over two hours to get on the blog. This system is a little bit difficult for me to navigate, and unfortunately, there’s no such thing as a group photo download. I wish I had the time and energy to tell the story of each photo, but it would take forever. I’ll do a few captions to explain. We gained a lifetime of stories and obviously, that’s impossible to share in just one blog post. I hope you enjoy!   In a traditional tent, at the Abu Dhabi cultural center.   Jess & Dre’s front door  Pikey, their dog  At the cultural center, showing a traditional stone building(or at least Danny’s face in one of the windows)  This guy was commissioned for the overlay for the prince’s dish-dash. The stitching is made of gold thread. No big deal.     Traditional well  A beautiful beach (I love explaining the obvious)  Inside the palace looking out    Elevator buttons in Arabic Architecture inside the palace.Everything in the UAE when you see gold color, is real gold.They don’t exactly skimp on the details.  Stick your credit card in and a gold bar comes out.  A gold bar ATM machine if you will. You may also notice that the gold bar ATM is covered in gold leaf.  We brought with us a sand storm  The Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world  Looking down from the top of the Burj Khalifa. It’s 2,716.5 feet tall.  Two little horned frogs at the top of the world  You can see all of the sand in the air – it’s the storm, not pollution.Well, maybe some of it’s pollution, considering the UAE has the largest per capita carbon footprint in the world.   Typical local…

Continue reading
Uncategorized

The camera is malfunctioning so pictures are delayed – hopefully not deleted (we’ve tried everything we can to get things fixed but it looks like we need a professional). Eeek! I’m so frustrated! I’ve been really wanting to share them, and more stories but alas, I will have to wait.

Continue reading
Uncategorized

Back From The UAE

We’re back! The salty air as we walked out of Seatac was definitely a welcome scent!  We barely made the drive back to Wenatchee we were so exhausted. It was worth it to push through though, there’s nothing like a 14 hour sleep in your own bed. It was wonderful hugging my parents this morning! And we missed our cats, and dog. Weird how our pets come become like little buddies, a part of the family. I’ll be downloading photos later today, inshallah (which means God willing – which basically means I might and might not. It’s the perfect saying that makes your life pretty flexible). We’re thoroughly pooped. The trip was mind blowing, literally. Jess and Dre and their friends are absolutely wonderful. They have an expat community that live like a family. The kindness and generosity was amazing. We had the opportunity to experience amazing things. I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with listing things…. Highlights:The Grand Mosque – Abu Dhabi The palace – Abu DhabiThe gorgeous beachesThe fort – Al Ain The camel souk – Al Ain (a 1 day old baby camel suckled my finger…yep, that was amazing!)The gorgeous red sand dunes Downhill skiing indoors – DubaiSkydiving indoors above a huge fan – DubaiThe Burj Khalifa the tallest building in the world – DubaiThe amazing architecture – literally everywhereThe insanely diverse foodThe variety of ethnicities (only 20% of the population is Emirati)   The abayas, the burqas, the dishdashes/thwabs, the insanely expensive cars, the juxtaposition between new money and old traditions. Low lights:The cast systemLack of physical historyDesalinated water (even the bottled water) – yuck50% of the population has diabetesUAE has the largest carbon footprint per capita in the world I wore my most conservative clothing, and I still felt, and…

Continue reading
Close