Monthly Archives

March 2012

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Pushing Boundaries

Yesterday, for my final high dose day, I went a bit aggressive. I was overly ambitious, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. Instead of a 4-4-4 twice a day, I did 6-6-6. Last night, after ingesting the pills, I was so nauseous I could barely sleep. I tossed and turned for hours, until midnight when I went to the bathroom and dry heaved for a bit. I’m convinced that part of the issue is that I’m so sick of milk, it’s truly causing me major problems. I’m SO HAPPY to be done with my artemisinin until after the MRI. Phew. I can now focus on eating healthy. Well, that is, as soon as I’m able to eat. My stomach is so messed up that everything makes me nauseous. I’ve been drinking pint after pint of water, and it has been helping to sooth my poor little body. I always have a tendency to overdo things. It’s one of my worst traits. Like cookies, if one’s good then five must be better – just like my pills. Ugh. I can’t wait to feel better. It was so discouraging to see nice weather outside, and yet not be able to go for a walk or a run. Instead, I’ve been huddled up with my insides in knots. It was nice taking a long nap, and I’m hoping that tomorrow after more sleep, I’ll be back to normal. I’m always pushin boundaries and this time I definitely blew it. Live and learn, I guess.

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Just Doin’ His Job

I’m on day two of sprout growing. I drained the seeds and tomorrow, I expect to see just a few sprout faces poking out. I can’t believe I only have three weeks before the MRI. This is such a huge time that happens just four times a year. I’ve been much more lax on the diet, soon we’ll find out if my wayward ways have fed little Hermie. I keep reminding myself, each time I get tense, that it has been important for me to be able to have pizza, ice cream, red wine, sourdough bread, and other fun treats in order to test the limits. I need to see whether it’s important to be perfect with my diet, or if just maybe, it’s okay to eat some fun non-nutritious foods. It’s scary, of course, but man has it been fun 🙂 and delicious. Tonight is supposed to be my final high dose artemisinin night until after the MRI, but I’ve decided to extend one more day and up the dosage to counteract the decrease of absorption that goes with the high doses. I’m doing a final kick in the pants to poor little Hermie. He’s just been dancing around in there, gobbling up whatever I’ve been giving him, and I don’t think he’s going to see it coming. Poor guy…I almost feel bad for him. He’s just trying to survive in a tumor eating human world. Just doing his job in life, which of course, is death. Can’t really blame him for trying. Adios little Hermie! I wish I could say that it isn’t personal, but I’d by lying.

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Stank Milk

This morning, about an hour after eating my high dose pills, undergoing serious stomach discomfort, I started contemplating the odd texture of the milk I used to wash it all down. A flash hit my brain and I realized that I pulled from the old milk carton, not the brand new one that we just bought…..oh God, seriously, yes, those were weird chunks and swirls of texture that should not have been in there. The smell wasn’t very bad, but I’ve been so disgusted by milk in general that I just thought it was my natural distaste after having to drink whole milk every morning and evening three days a week. Yes. This. Girl. Drank. Stank. Milk. Wait for it….twice. I did it last night and didn’t understand why I felt so sick while I was trying to fall asleep, then again today. I was so cranky that I didn’t even want to go to the retirement home. I got over it though, and while I walked to volunteer, the fresh air helped. I am such a goober. Who drinks stank milk? This girl. I’m so out if it. I guess I’m just used to drinking disgusting things, and I go with it because usually it’s a rank drink that’s good for me. Boy did I blow it. I seriously get shivers just thinking about it. When I relayed the story to Dan this evening, while we drove to the gym, he literally had to ask me to stop because he was going to lose it. Rotten, stank, swirling with chunks milk is a universally disgusting thought. Ugh. Yuck. Whole milk is thick, but not THAT thick. I should have known it was wrong. Gross.  Today I started a new batch of broccoli sprouts. They’re very hard to find at…

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Saint Patty’s Day

Sometimes people just get sick. It’s tough when you’re dealing with cancer to not read into things too much – like your immune system. Luckily for me, my friend Meghan has been sick for the past week after hanging out on Saint Patty’s day just like me. She was just as immobile, and oddly, her sickness made me feel so much better 🙂 Once I realized she was in as bad of shape, I actually felt completely normal which was fun. I was just a sicky, living in a sick world. Here’s a few photos from the infamous day… Meghan, Julia, Me, Lauren Lo & Megs getting me camera ready Ta-Da! My partial Irishman The holiday was a blast. You can’t beat Saint Patty’s day with a group of close friends, our favorite Irish man, and all of his Irish buddies. Good luck getting a photo during the Irish rugby game… Michael at least gave us his face, but his eyes gave him away 🙂  Here’s a funny story about Saint Patty’s day……We celebrated in downtown Seattle, at an Irish pub called Fado. At one point, I went to the ladies room (as one does from time to time). As I was washing my hands, and checking to make sure I didn’t have anything in my teeth (or stuck to the bottom of my shoes), a woman my age started smiling and said, “Oh my gosh. I swear I’m not creepy, and you don’t know me, but I’m a friend of a friend of yours and I read your blog!” She was absolutely hilarious! It was amazing. She told me that she loves reading my blog because it’s a true story. The girl, Meghan or maybe it’s Megan? I’m not sure on the spelling, but regardless, she was incredibly sweet,…

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Four full days of being bed ridden. Sad little immune system. Even bingie is sick. He threw up on our comforter and ruined it. Rough week in the Carroll household as Dan has been working nights, then days, now he has night class. We’re holding on, but the view isn’t pretty. Hope you all are doing much better than we are!

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Insult to Injury

My reindeer pajamas Too much fun for Jess this weekend. I awoke with a temperature of 102. To add insult to injury, I received an email this morning from the Bone Marrow Donor Program of Puget Sound stating that I am unfit (my word, not theirs) for donation and will be placed on reserve for a year pending a clean bill of health. Ouch. They don’t want my blood, platelets, red cells or my marrow. That’s rough. I understand, since I technically have cancer, but it still sucks. It has always been a dream of mine that one day I would get a phone call and be able to save someones life. I figured, I already had what other people are dying to get (literally), healthy tissues and blood – why not share, but now I’m unable to help. If you’re so inclined to stand in my place, please sign up to be a donor (link for Seattle area). 

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Life Is Precious

Sorry for the grainy photos. Dan and I were just walking, and passed a horrible, horrible accident on Green Lake Dr. It looks like they had to cut the person out of the car, through the roof. Man. That vision will sober you up quickly. Life is so precious. Those poor people were probably just headed home after a long day, after a long week, exhausted, probably excited to do something fun this weekend, maybe including some green – either a hike or a run or green beverages, who knows. Life is precious, and we never know what lays ahead. The truck in the photo above was part of the accident. Lesson: Big vehicles are safer. Some people complain about gas guzzling trucks and SUVs, and yes, there’s no argument that they aren’t as good for the environment, but hey, when it comes to your life…. If you pray, please pray for them. How scary, and shocking for them. I wish things like this didn’t happen.

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Balancing DHA & EPA

Vegetarian DHA From Algae (200 mg ea pill) Bushel of Purple KaleBanana4 Tablespoons Fish Oil Breakfast. Sorry for complaining yesterday. Sometimes I just need to barf out my feelings. I’m doing better though! Here’s my breakfast drink. It has four tablespoons of fish oil, and I’ve read that it’s important to balance out the DHA and EPA in your diet to maximize the effects against inflammation (a promoter of tumor growth). One tablespoon of my fish oil has 500 mg DHA and 800 mg EPA, so I took 6 DHA pills (200 mg each) to even out the four tablespoons. Not a delicious breakfast by any means, but hey, I downed it with a verbal toast to Hermie, swallowing the pills like fishy candy. The pills are vegetarian, but they taste and smell like fish. It’s weird. Anyway, little by little, Mr Herm is being knocked down by my arsenal of tricks. I have to believe that. Dan and I were talking about it last night, as we were falling asleep in bed, we honestly have no expectations for the next MRI. It could show a massive decrease in tumor cells or an increase in tumor cells. We have no idea. That’s the thing, you can be hopeful, but if I was to feel too confident I believe it would be incredibly dangerous – it could make me complacent. No one wants to be disappointed.

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Grumpy Girl

When I’m in a bad mood, I figure it’s a great time to get out for a run. Today was no exception. We were a perfect pair, Mother Nature and I, both cranky. The wind slapped my face over and over again like a cold fish. The rain drops soaked me through every article of clothing, all the way down to the toes. I’m not sure why I’m in such a bad mood. I guess I’m caught up in the seriousness of having cancer. This can happen when I’m on strict mode with my diet. It’s wonderful to eat supremely (why does that word make me think of pizza) healthy, but I hate the fact that my food sins literally are punishable by death. It would be nice if my food sins were just punishable by fat. At times, it’s an overwhelming feeling. It’s weird that almost two years ago I was diagnosed with my brain tumor. And almost unimaginable that I have been living in three month spans ever since. My life is completely dictated by my three month MRIs, scheduled just to watch my cancer grow (Except for the last MRI. Phew!). Oddly, I find that I’ve been appreciating life, the daily gifts, but the big picture is lost. It’s wonderful living in the moment, but there’s something about having long term goals. I realize that life changes for everyone, that it’s difficult to plan, but it’s different when your survival is literally up in the air, and constantly shoved in your face. It’s a lot. Tuesday Night’s Dinner Tonight’s Dinner

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Time To Work

Started playing with my pills this morning. Not exactly the beer can towers of college days. Yesterday, at the gym, I weighed myself. YIKES. In January at my last MRI I weighed 144. Now, I weigh 150. I guess I need to take this a little bit more seriously. It was quite the wake up call. Dan and I talked about it for quite a bit last night. We are very strict right now, this whole week I’m on a plant based diet (other than a glass of milk each morning and evening for pills). We’re going to take Saturday off to celebrate Saint Patty’s day with friends, but come Sunday we will be back on the whole foods diet of months past. We will not be cheating again until after the MRI. It’s been a lot of fun, but it’s time to get back to business. I have to say, when I stepped on the scale and had to move the little black weight over further and further to the right, my stomach pulled into knots and my sweat pores started tingling. I was in shock. Oh well, I can get this back on track. I love taking a week or so of only eating plants. You can eat whatever you want, as much as you want. It’s actually a lot of fun. That probably sounds crazy, but it’s fun to change it up. Damn. 150? Ugh. Jessica Lynn. I’m not so upset about the numbers necessarily, it’s more the fact that any extra weight feeds Herm. That’s always the kicker. But, each day, each meal, I decide what I’m going to put in my mouth and each step is a choice. I’m ready to conquer this next month and see what’s going on in my brain at the…

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