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grand mal

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Back-To-Back Seizures (Kinda)

Well toots. I had another seizure on Saturday. That’s a fast turnaround since I just had a seizure a few weeks ago. Never a good sign. I was playing with my nephew, who had just finished his peewee football game. His older brother was suited up on the field. We were swinging on tree branches, between practicing touchdown dances, when all of a sudden I felt the seizure coming on. I looked at my eight year old nephew, who didn’t even know what a seizure was, and by the tone of my voice, he knew something was very wrong. I told him, with my bug eyes, to get Dan. I slowly followed, pulling pills out of my purse. There was so much excitement, the fans cheering for the players on the field, kids throwing balls, girls taking SnapChats with their friends, laughter, yells. There was nowhere quiet to go. I put a pill in my mouth and chewed it, hoping it would seep under my tongue and enter my blood system fast. Dan came to me, pulling off my coat since I had lost control of my torso. I always overheat when there’s seizure activity, so it’s important for me to get cool as soon as possible. He gently rocked me down to the ground, supporting my neck. He then ran to get water, and ice, and a few people started to ask if we needed the trainer, or a medical professional. I was able to tell them it was nothing to worry about, that I’m epileptic, and will be fine in a minute. A big fear of mine is being put in an ambulance, and being placed in the hospital, but we were able to avoid that issue. I don’t know what I would have done without Dan. As…

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Post Seizure Update

I’m back! I took a hiatus, had to get back on my feet. The seizure was a doozy, although, it wasn’t a grand mal so I’m grateful for that. It all went down because I borrowed my mom’s carpet shampooer, and I used her noxious cleaner. (Our house is normally a low chemical zone – I’m a baking soda, vinegar, organic, kinda girl.) A few minutes into the cleaning, I started getting lightheaded. I didn’t realize in that moment that I was already in the seizure. Somehow I grabbed my medicine, and a phone, even though I don’t recall making a point to do so. I wandered out to get fresh air, I felt like I was shuffling through a chemical cloud. The smell of the cleaner was so overwhelming that my brain felt like it was choking. I went to a semi-shaded area of the yard, and although it took a long time of staring at the phone, not understanding how to work it, I was eventually able to hit redial which was my parent’s work number. At that point, of progression, all I could say was, “It’s happening! It’s happening! Get Dan. Get Dan.” I was unable to hang up the phone, and could hear them scrambling to find their cell phones. I could hear their panic, their dialog. Then I heard the dead dial tone beeping. I remember closing my eyes, and for the first time during a seizure, I started praying. I prayed to the rhythm of the beeping. “Thank you for my life. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my life. Thank you for my life.” All in all, it wasn’t a short episode, but by the time I realized that it was okay to relinquish control, that I was fooling myself by…

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The Carrolls meet THE Carroll

I’ve been up since 4:00 am and it’s all because of a seizure. I’ve had a seizure in my sleep before (according to Danny – I don’t remember it), but on September 11th, just a few days ago, just at the same time as the anniversary of the twin towers collapsing, I was jolted out of bed, screaming to Danny that I was having a seizure. He jumped into action, knowing fully what to do, but I couldn’t stop myself from screaming, “Water, pills, water, pills, water, pills, hurry, hurry!!!” It was like I was in a trance. A trance where you can’t feel or move your right side. A trance where you have no control over your body, or your mind. It was powerful, but not a grand mal. My whole right side, from the tip of my toes to my cranium was tingling and throbbing. I was paralyzed, even unable to drink on my own. Danny held a glass to my mouth as water sloshed all over my face and neck, soaking our mattress. When the seizure subsided, I couldn’t talk or think or make sense of what had just happened. So here I sit in the dark while most people sleep. I don’t sleep because I’m afraid to. I don’t know how long this fear will last, and I know it will abate, but I wonder if this new experience will stick with me forever. Will I always have a deep-rooted fear of a sleep seizure? Is this going to haunt my dreams, nestle into my subconscious? Ever since I was diagnosed I’ve been afraid to miss anything. I want to soak up life, to enjoy every moment. But sleep is paramount too. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this new found issue. I…

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Warning: Graphic

Well. I did it. I went in for the “little” procedure to remove the rest of my naughty mole that wanted to turn into cancer. I kept my chin up and tried my best to joke with the DR & the assistant, telling them how bummed I am that they’re working on my smaller breast. They laughed with me, and kept the mood light. I made it through the numbing (which they warned me would cause my heart rate to increase), it took three shots of numbing stuff, and soon, we were on our way. As soon as they started cutting, I could feel tugging, and snipping. All of a sudden, as I was trying my best to power through, my hands got really sweaty, and a wave of nausea came over me and I knew I was having an aura. I tried to keep calm, knowing that freaking out makes the seizures come on faster, exactly what you’re trying to avoid in that moment. My parents were out in the waiting room with my purse where I keep my pre-seizure pills which efficiently stop the auras from turning into a full blown grand mal. I quickly said, “Guys, can you stop. I’m having an aura, I need water now – cold water – and I have a pre-seizure pill in my purse in the waiting room. I need it. Please go get it. RUN.” It was so scary. The assistant ran to the waiting room and grabbed my purse from my mom. In the meantime, the DR soothed me, helping me drink the cool water. When the assistant arrived back in the room, he took out two pills and I placed them under my tongue, waiting for them to dissolve. In the meantime, I practiced deep breathing, and the…

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